5 Tips from Workshop: Getting Your Life Together After Baby

This past Friday, I gave a workshop for Big City Moms on the topic, “Getting Your Life Together After Baby.” Drawing from positive psychology, human performance and cognitive behavioral research,  as well as my own experiences as a mom, I offered 10 tips for staying sane, organized and happy after having a baby.

Below I have included five of the tips, which are universally relevant to the topic of staying sane, organized and happy, whether you are a man or a woman, a parent or kid-phobic.  While these ideas may not sound all that new to you, the concepts are much easier to understand intellectually than to implement in the rush of our patterned, achieving lives.  I hope you will not only read them, but also answer the corresponding questions related to applying them in your life.

Prioritize.  So often, we just keep adding to our “to do” lists.  And so often, we perpetually feel behind, which leads to anxiety and negative thoughts.  Sometimes, the work is assigning ourselves less work.  If you are a new mom, I recommend reframing your expectations to think about getting 1-3 tasks/errands done daily, beyond caring for your baby/kids.  For example, on some days, getting a shower might be a major accomplishment. Practice slimming down your list, and as Dale Carnegie says, “living in day-tight compartments.”

Where do you really want to focus this week and what can you cut back on to stay sane?

Routinize Fun.  It may sound counter-intuitive to “routinize” fun, but that is exactly the point.  When my daughter was young, I use to regularly dance with her. Sometimes, I’d put on a show for her, and other times, we’d rock out together.  This became our daily mother-daughter ritual, and also doubled as a workout too! Whatever it is that might seem silly, ridiculous or even indulgent, make it happen.  Living in NYC, there can be a tendency to get focused on development, achievement and getting ahead.  Get out off this bus, and do something you enjoy every day, even if it’s just for 15 minutes.  This is also a wonderful gift for your children too.

What is something you want to give yourself permission to enjoy this week?

Grow. Continue to nurture your interests, passions and skills.  If you don’t find your job personally fulfilling or satisfying right now, take a class, join a networking association in an area of interest, or pick up some books on a topic you’ve always wanted to explore.  For new moms that decide to stay home, motherhood can be isolating and the opposite of “intellectually stimulating.” Thus, it’s important to find avenues where you feel like you’re stretching yourself and growing as a person, beyond caring for your child/children.

What are you really excited about these days?  How are you nurturing your interests and creativity? 

Socialize. The research shows over and over again, that those with rich, fulfilling social lives lead happier lives, yet it’s easy to  let your social life take a back seat to everything else.  This is particularly important for new moms at home; the experience of caring for your baby/children can be isolating, especially at the beginning.  Initiate plans with old friends, join a playgroup, a breastfeeding support , or start a group of your own.  I found the days I spent at home alone with my baby exhausting and depressing.  Soon after Brooke was born, I asked our synagogue if there was a play group we could join. While the immediate answer was no,  my prompting led to a group and class being established shortly thereafter, which was a wonderful way to connect with new mothers at a similar stage to me.

Who do you want to reconnect with in the near future? How can you be more proactive in your social life and not overwhelm your calendar?

Savor.  This concept is around slowing down, and living moment to moment in the present.  How often do you get caught up in anticipating challenges and obstacles or re-hashing the past?  We have so much to learn from babies and children, who are insatiably curious about the world around us, and who stop to appreciate the simplest things. This morning, my daughter discovered shadows under a tree, and I watched and marveled along with her as the ground mirrored the swaying branches.

When can you slow down and just be in the present? Where and with whom do you want to be with?